How HBP Should Have Ended.
Okay, first off, if you have not yet read Harry Potter and the Half - Blood Prince, you may want to skip this post until you have. I just cannot keep this bottled up inside me for any longer, the fans of Harry Potter must know how the story is supposed to end. Not how it ended in the book. How it should have ended in the book. First off, a disclamer: HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING! NOT ME! Okay, got to get that out of the way to avoid any legal difficulties. But that's settled now. So, without further ado, the ending to HBP.
Chapter 30: The White Tomb
All lessons were suspended, all examinations postponed. A bunch of kids were getting pulled out of Hogwarts. Harry assumed this might have a little to do with the fact that the night before there had been a bunch of raving violent lunatics roaming through the halls murdering people, but it was just a hunch. People from all around had come to pay their last respects to Dumbledore, who, for the sake of those unknowing, was about to have his funeral. For those of you who do not know the reason for Dumbledore having a funeral, it had a little tiny bit to do with the slightly important fact that he was DEAD!
The Hogwarts students gathered around in the primitive folding chairs that seemed to be designed to acomplish the absolute least amount of comfort possible. Hagarid stubled up the middle isle carrying Dumbledore's body, crying a large river of tears that nearly drowned some nervous first years. He laid Dumbledore to rest on inside a large, white, coffin, hence the title of this sobeing chapter.
Hagrid began piling dirt onto the corpse, paying no attention to proffeser Sprout, who he was showering with it. It was then that something amazing happened. Dumbledore sat up! Gasps were heard throughout the whererever everybody was. Hagrid looked amazed. Hermione and Ginny jumped up and began laughing and crying at the same time, which was a very disgusting thing to watch for very long. Nevile Longbottom swallowed his toad. Ron yelled "OWW!", jumped up, and did the moonwalk.
Harry ran up to Dumbledore and hugged him. "You're alive!" he yelled.
"'Course I'm alive," said Dumbledore. "Don't you morons ever take a pulse?" Just then, Snape and Voldemort walked up, Voldemort carrying the six remaining horucruxes.
"Snape," said Voldemort, "are you sure it is smart to carry these around with me?"
"Yes," said Snape. "In fact, I- uh oh." Dumbledore then raised his wand and used it to make all the horucuxes explode. Harry, in turn, remembering his Transfiguration class on changing humans into chickens, turned both Snape and Voldemort into chickens. Then, Hagrid captured them, fattened them up, and served them for the year end celebration fest. They were delicious.
Everybody knew that Harry Potter truly was the chosen one.
And now, the complete bood 7:
After the end of Voldemort, year 7 at Hogwarts was rather boring and uneventful, so it won't be mentioned here. After school was out, Harry married Ginny and they had 874 kids which were all born without a belly button. Ron and Hermione, as you may have guessed, also married, and their children and the new Potter family children became best friends. All the bad guys went to jail, and all the good guys lived happily ever after. Dumbledore fell in love late in life and married a beutiful women named Jeriminaeta. Unfortunatly, due to his bad eyesight, he never realized that his wife was part squirrel. But who cares, because Voldemort was gone for good and everybody had a grand old time! Scar.
Well, there you have it. The should-be ending for book 6, and the entirety of book seven! Before it even comes out, you got to read it. Lucky you. And if you think it is unlikely that the next Harry Potter book is so short, you need to think. Even if Harry Potter 7 is a terrible book, JKR will still make billions off of it. Lucky women. Well, anyway, there you have it. JKR is planning to release her knew non-depressing-ending version of HBP soon.
Chapter 30: The White Tomb
All lessons were suspended, all examinations postponed. A bunch of kids were getting pulled out of Hogwarts. Harry assumed this might have a little to do with the fact that the night before there had been a bunch of raving violent lunatics roaming through the halls murdering people, but it was just a hunch. People from all around had come to pay their last respects to Dumbledore, who, for the sake of those unknowing, was about to have his funeral. For those of you who do not know the reason for Dumbledore having a funeral, it had a little tiny bit to do with the slightly important fact that he was DEAD!
The Hogwarts students gathered around in the primitive folding chairs that seemed to be designed to acomplish the absolute least amount of comfort possible. Hagarid stubled up the middle isle carrying Dumbledore's body, crying a large river of tears that nearly drowned some nervous first years. He laid Dumbledore to rest on inside a large, white, coffin, hence the title of this sobeing chapter.
Hagrid began piling dirt onto the corpse, paying no attention to proffeser Sprout, who he was showering with it. It was then that something amazing happened. Dumbledore sat up! Gasps were heard throughout the whererever everybody was. Hagrid looked amazed. Hermione and Ginny jumped up and began laughing and crying at the same time, which was a very disgusting thing to watch for very long. Nevile Longbottom swallowed his toad. Ron yelled "OWW!", jumped up, and did the moonwalk.
Harry ran up to Dumbledore and hugged him. "You're alive!" he yelled.
"'Course I'm alive," said Dumbledore. "Don't you morons ever take a pulse?" Just then, Snape and Voldemort walked up, Voldemort carrying the six remaining horucruxes.
"Snape," said Voldemort, "are you sure it is smart to carry these around with me?"
"Yes," said Snape. "In fact, I- uh oh." Dumbledore then raised his wand and used it to make all the horucuxes explode. Harry, in turn, remembering his Transfiguration class on changing humans into chickens, turned both Snape and Voldemort into chickens. Then, Hagrid captured them, fattened them up, and served them for the year end celebration fest. They were delicious.
Everybody knew that Harry Potter truly was the chosen one.
And now, the complete bood 7:
After the end of Voldemort, year 7 at Hogwarts was rather boring and uneventful, so it won't be mentioned here. After school was out, Harry married Ginny and they had 874 kids which were all born without a belly button. Ron and Hermione, as you may have guessed, also married, and their children and the new Potter family children became best friends. All the bad guys went to jail, and all the good guys lived happily ever after. Dumbledore fell in love late in life and married a beutiful women named Jeriminaeta. Unfortunatly, due to his bad eyesight, he never realized that his wife was part squirrel. But who cares, because Voldemort was gone for good and everybody had a grand old time! Scar.
Well, there you have it. The should-be ending for book 6, and the entirety of book seven! Before it even comes out, you got to read it. Lucky you. And if you think it is unlikely that the next Harry Potter book is so short, you need to think. Even if Harry Potter 7 is a terrible book, JKR will still make billions off of it. Lucky women. Well, anyway, there you have it. JKR is planning to release her knew non-depressing-ending version of HBP soon.
posted by Adam at 10:50 AM
1 Comments:
[dies]
You crack me up.
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