Even. More. QUOTES / Favorite "Onion" Headlines

I seem to be catching more and more bizzare quotes nowadays. So, as always, I must have them published. Now I am going to say this only once: though I refrain from saying these sort of things, the people I know do not. In other words BAD STUFF AHEAD. YOU MAY BE OFFENDED, AS THIS IS OFFENSIVE MATERIAL. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.





Okay fine, but this is your last warning. TURN AWAY NOW!!!










"I don't have diarreah, I have loose stool!"

"The meaning of life is penguin sex!"

Warren: AAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAA!
Me: What?
Warren: What do you mean what?
Me: What did you just say?
Warren: Don't ask me, you just said AAAAAAAAWAAAAA!
Me: You said that.
Warren: Bitch.

"It's not farting, it's compressing air!"

"I never cuss at my friends. Except for Adam. Asshole."

"I HAVE A-THOR-A-TAY"

"MY LEMONADE BOTTLE!"

Cici: You white cracker!
Me: You're white too.
Cici: I never said I wasn't a cracker.

"Bye Adam...EWW! I touched you!"

Cici: There's the picture of the fish with the eggs in it's mouth!
Me: It could just have abnormally large front teeth.
Alex: Or three tounges.

Emma: I am in deep shit!
Me: That must stink a little bit.

Oscar: Dude, get over here or I swear I will kick your ass.
Me: Wait... won't you do that anyway?
Oscar: Yeah. Probably.

Tony: Only losers go to there lockers Adam.
Hector: I'm going to my locker!
Tony: Well, except for Hector.

Tony: Shut your freakin' face!
Mrs. Bentson: What was that?
Tony: I said, please be quiet!

"You don't like cheese? You...you..you CHEESE NAZI!"

Now, onto part two of my post. My favorite Onion headlines! Once again, offencive stuff ahead, yadda yadda yadda.

I'm Like a Chocoholic, Only for Booze!

Cute Democratic Canidate Actually Thinks he has a Chance

I Admit we May Have Retorted to Cannabalism a Bit Early

Malcome X annouces: "I also have a dream"
"I dream that one day little black kids will beat the living shit out of little white kids"

Old people magazine gives old people something to do while waiting to die.

Clinton's head sawed off

Bear attacks, rapes zookeeper.

I think I'm doing this cat breeding thing all wrong

Jews called back to Egypt for pyramid-duty

Japanese buisnessan amazed at the shit americans will buy

NASA baffled by failure of straw shuttle

Owls are assholes

Local homosexual saves four from fire
area man praized, gay

And a couple of point, counter-points

My computer hates me!
God do I hate that bitch.

Nigeria may be a developing county, but it is rich in economic growth and development
Get me out of this God-Forsaken hellhole.

You the man
No, you the man!

We sent Rex to a nice family farm
They had me put to sleep at the vet.


Well, there you have it. That's about enough highly offencive humor/gibberish for one post, isn't it? Well I don't care what you think, I'm tired. So go away.