Great Scott!

I cannot belive it. At all. Any of it. Wait, let me explain to you what "it" actually is. Ok, it's more like 2 things. But whatever just READ READ READ READ READ! I'm going to blow your mind.

First off, my parents being the insane liberals that they are have, for 8 years, refused to pay the 74 cents of our phone bill that goes to the military. Well, guess what? The phone company just now noticed. And we owe like 80 dollars. And my parents aren't going to pay it. So HEY our phone just might get shut off! Yea! Won't that be fun?

Seriously, just pay the money. I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THE MODERN TECHNOLOGIES OF THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY!!! Well, actually I can. But I don't want to. So pay the bill already!

Second off, my mom just cheated our family out of TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! Seriously. That show, wife swap? You've heard of it, haven't you? One family's mom switches with anothers for a week. Guess what? Our family was selected. Out of the 50,000 submissions that show recives every week, we were selected. We would get to be on NATIONAL TELVIVISION. SEEN BY MILLIONS. Oh yeah, and if that weren't enough, we'd get TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! But what does my mom do? She says no. SHE SAYS NO I TELL YOU! After hearing this I go and throw stuff at other stuff. Stuff breaks. WELL IF WE HAD TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS WE COULD BY NEW STUFF TO REPLACE THE BROKEN STUFF!!!

Okay, breathe.

More news, but not quite as dramatic. I went to the Endzone on Friday, which in case you don't know is this thing where on Fridays lots of Middle Schoolers go to just hang out and stuff. I highly reccomend it. If you ever come to Wichita, and you are in 6-8th grade, and it is Friday between 6-8, by all means stop by. Wait, on second thought you'll probably hang out at Wichitas great tourist spots HA yeah right.

Oh, and on a final note, it is now 19 days until two very special events that occur simoltaneaously. What the... that isn't spelled right. Oh wait, I just recalled that I don't care.

Right, here they are. ON NOVEMBER 18: It is the opening day of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! Yes! Score! And this one is rated PG-13! Double score! See, I was afraid they were going to dummy Harry Potter down to make a PG rating. Which would mean they would have to cut out all the good parts. But behold, Harry Potter in all its glory! I wonder if they'll rate half-blood-prince "R" That would be quite a shock. WAIT! Off topic. Important event number 2 happening on NOVEMBER 18. That's my birthday, yo! Can you belive such important events in the progression of humankind as we know it are occuring on the exact same day? Kind of impressive when you think about it.

Alrighty then, chaps! Be off with you! And may many a bird spare your head when searching for one worthy of crapping on!

NEWS FLASH!

Ok, first off, what does news flash even mean? That the news is flashing somebody? Cause that would be a bit nasty, wouldn't it?

Oh well, forget I even metioned it. I have decided that this post should actually have a purpose instead of just rambling on about no apparent topic. Ok? Ok. So here goes: the purpose of this post is to inform you. Truthfully. There are many things in life that you won't want to figure out on your own, so I've figured them our for you. I will write the info out in FAQ form, life's little questions and my answers to them. I am sorry to say I have proven each one. The results are not always pretty. But they need to be known. So here goes:

Q: What happens when you play the theme from "The Empire Strikes Back" really loud while you jump up and down and hit yourself repediatly in the head?

A: You get a headache

Q: Can you get high by sniffing a gerbil?

A: No. You just get a lot of hair up your nose.

Uh, that's really all of life's little questions I can think of at the moment. If you have any more questions that you are afraid to find the answers to yourself TELL THEM TO ME and I'll see what I can do to find them. After all, it is my job. Well, not really. But still.

Continuing with the news flash. Today was school picture day. YEA! Yeah. Except that all my pictures come out looking terrible. Every year, it never fails. I look like a full fledged nerd (which I am not. I'm 24% nerd and proud of it!) But this year is diffrent! Yes! For 6 dollars extra, my photo will be customly retoached. In other words, they will edit out all of my physical flaws. In even more other words, the finished picture will look absolutly nothing like me. In even MORE other words, the custom retoaches will be like "screw this" and will paste somebody elses head on my body.

No, just kidding. My parents totally wasted 6 bucks. There is absolutly nothing anybody can do to make me look better than I do right now.

Ok, that wasn't true either. Basicly they'll just edit some stuff and send me with a good looking picture. And then all the people we send it to will be like. "Holy Crap! Adam doesn't look like a dork! It's the sign of the apocolypse!" Which of course, would be true, and at that exact moment the sun's gravity will suck us in and we will all be instanly fried into a mound of chisled flesh. But as long as I look good in my picture, I really don't care.

TOOTHPASTE!!!

Mwa-ha. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ty is a jerk

Hello there! Perhaps you have heard of the hit ABC show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. It airs on Sunday nights. Well, if you are familiar with the conext of the show, you will know that the basic point is for a group of workers to build a house in 7 days.

If you are fan of the show (which I am not, but am forced to watch becasue my mom is) you will know about the host Ty. Besides being an absolute abnoxious dork with ADHD, which you can tell just by watching the show, he is also a jerk. This you cannot tell by just watching the show.

However, recently the Extreme Makeover team came to the greater Wichita area. Finally, an Extreme Makeover in our own city! Yea! Let's report their progress on TV, newspapers, and any other way possible as if it is not torture enought to sit through one hour of the show!

Well, of course, hating the show and everybody that has anything to do with it, I did not join the thousands of people freezing their asses off who joined in the welcome home cermony for the family. However, one of my dad's co-workers volenteered and actually helped to build the house. He provided us with the following insider info:

1)The family which the team was trying to help is incredibly poor. Like dirt poor. So they build them a 400,000 house. How are they supposed to afford all the utilities and stuff like that? Huh? Huh? That's right. They can't. They will end up having to sell the house because they just can't afford it. Well, isn't that nice of Extreme Makeover?

2)In the standard rules of building a house, in order to make a good foundation you must leave a foundation for 7 days before anything is built on it. Otherwise it is unsturdy. Well, guess what? We're building an entire house in one week! Screw safety and sturdiness! We want some good ratings! Now let's get a move on!

3) Ty is a jerk

Now that third one, of course, is a matter of opinion. But here me out. The guy say Ty HEY THAT RYMES!!! at the house. But Ty wasn't doing a freakin' thing! He was just walking around ordering everybody around. And he was FROWNING. All the time. Until a camera person comes up, and then Ty suddenly looks all happy and explains what he has been working on. Which is nothing. Which means Ty is a lying jerk-dork. That is all.

More QUOTES!

I'd better post these before I forget them. Usual warning... offencive material and whatnot. So you should not be reading this if you are going to get offended!









"Pretty soon, people from Arizona are going to be coming up here and stealing our water!"
"Those greedy little bastards."

"Well excuse me Miss 'I can see in the dark'"

"Muva-huva!"

"Oh damn I served you!"
"Served me what, breakfast?"
"I...oh crap, I can't top that."

"***dammit!"
"Watch your language!"
"Fine. Gosh darn it!"

"Someguy said something or other about something or other...I can't exactly recall, but I know it involved something."

"Fart"

"Which do you prefer: a number 5 or a number 8"
"Number 5"
"How about a number 2?"
"Only when I'm constipated"

"Shut your freakin' face!"

"Talk to the hand"
"Why hello, hand, how are-"
"SHUT UP!"

"After we do that, we will, um, we will-"
"ROCK YOU!"

"WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?"

Lost, Peril, and Peanut Butter

Three things I must tell you, loyal fans of the blog! So listen loud and clear to all I have to say:

Whatever. First things first: LOST: the complete first season has finally arrived! It cost me 41 dollres, but that isn't really that much considering it has over 25 hours worth of footage! I am serious, it has 18 hours worth of episodes, and another 7 hours of bonus features. For a fan of LOST, I can't ask for more. Well, I suppose I could, possibly. But I won't. One highligt is the bonus feature where Jimmy Kimmel gets eaten by Cookie Monster!

Second off, The Penultimate Peril, Lemony Snicket, aka Daniel Handler's, latest novel. I finished it today, and it was excellent. I would have finished it sooner except we ordered it and it arrived 3 days late! Consequently, I was deprived of this fine book far too long! If you haven't started reading the books yet, you should. Because I told you to. And therefore you will read. No, seriously, that works. Everybody that I have told about the Snicket books has read them and become at least mildly interested in them. All the fans of the books out at Horace Mann: you would not be so wildly obsessed with them had it not been for me. And that is true. Whatever inspired you to read the books can be traced back to me! I am proud to be such an influence on you lives.

Lastly, in my never ending quest for pointless websites, I have come across one with thousands of uses for, belive it or not:

Peanut Butter

And forgive me if that link does not work the way it is supposed to, because I am not what you would call and html expert. But check that site out. You will never be bored around a jar of peanut butter again.

Well, that's all for tonight folks. Enjoy all yo' selves!







SNAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to keep an idiot busy:

Scroll Down















































































































































































Scroll Up

C

okay, I tried to do an evil chef tribute that reads "Chefs are evil" but it didn't exactly come out right. Oops.

H

E

F

S

R

E

V

I

L

!

Private Post

Okay, everybody. This post is private. I'm just trying to get my feelings out, so I would appreciate if you didn't scroll down and finish reading it.











YOU JERK! I TOLD YOU NOT TO READ THIS!

QUOTES

Everybody likes to hear quotes from my insane life! Well, no, not really. But I'm going to put them here anyway.

Just a warning: a lot of people in my life prefer to speak very offensevly. So back off, 'less you wanna be offended. This means that some of the quotes are innapropriate. It isn't my fault, even though I said some of them.




NO! SERIOUSLY! THESE ARE REALLY BAD!






Okay, whatever, your fault.

"You finding Ling-Ling's head? Someone come into yard, kill dog, cut off head. Ling-Ling very good dog. Would like head back."

"Wacha gonna do wif all that crap, all that crap shoved up your butt?"
"Ima gonna poo poo poop it out POOP IT OUT! POOP IT OUT!"

"The SPERM whale comes out of Moby DICK!"

"To get a girl, you have to have high self esteem. If you look good, you probably already feel good about yourself. If you are ugly and you still have good self esteem, I don't know where you get it you ugly son of a gun."

"I'm sexually attracted to dung"

"I know! Freddy vs Jason vs Alien vs Chucky vs Chucky vs Alien vs Jason vs Chucky!"

"I don't care about your drama, just let me feel your boobs."

"I DO NOT LIKE THEM SAM I AM!!!"

"Why didn't you invite me to your birthday party?"
"Well, let me count the reasons. 1, you're a bitch. 2, you're a bitch. 3, you're a bitch. 4, you're a bastard. And what was 5? Oh yeah, you're a bitch"

"How would a spoon masterbate?

"Kirby sucks"

"Uh....Wouldja stop?"

"Adam, you are very sexy but also very ugly"

"Do you know what you just got yourself into?"
"Yo' mama!"

These are not nearly all the insane quotes I have heard recently. If fact, these are probably like one millionth of them. But, these are the ones that come to my mind at the time, and you'll just have to live with them for now. Even though they are all sick and wrong. But, like I said, those are the most memorable.

Do you ever think that everybody else is a robot?

I do. Sometimes I think that I am the only real person on the planet. And all the robots are trying to convert me to their utterly evil way of life! It is all a diabolical plot the evil robots have cooked up to rid the world of humans, and I am the only one left! It is up to me to rid the world of this evil mechanical power.

Wait. On second thought, I never think that. I don't know why I just wrote all that, it's not true. School starts in like, 50 minutes and I still haven't eaten breakfast. I'd better vamoose. Whatever that means. Moose. Why isn't the plural of moose mosses? Or meese? Why do I care all of the sudden?




SNAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oops.

I accidently put my last post on ADHC publications instead of this one. If you REALLY want to read it, click the link to ADHC publications, read and comment. Or not. Do whatever you want. But commenting is always nice. JUST LEAVE A COMMENT, WILL YOU? So much for being subtle. Now comment.

Just Kidding!

...but not really.

Yeah. But I'm still awesomer than you.

Didn't want you walking around thinking you were on the same level as me.

You are awesome too

...just in case you were feeling a little insignificat after that last post.

I am awesome

...thought you ought to know.

And now, a story...

Warning... The following post contains some adult content. So when you ignore this warning and go ahead and read it anyway, you have nobody to blame but yourself.


Got it under control. Now how about some nice Harry Potter fan fiction? Here goes:

Slughorn awoke with a start. It was still quite dark out, and he could not quite make out the tall hook nosed siloete in the window. Hook-nosed?

"Snape!" ejaculated Slughorn, who at this point looked very shaken, pale, and sweaty.

"Miss me, Sluggy?" Snape growled.

Meanwhile, in another part of the castle, something innapropriate was NOT about to happen. Not that anything innaporopriate was happening elsewhere in the castle. Just that this area was quite noticibally apporopriate. Now back to the two Proffesers.

"I can't belive you actually did it," said Slughorn.

"Yes," sighed Snape. "I did it and I did it well,"

"Wait," paused Slughorn, "What exactly did you do?"

"I think we both know what I did," said Snape as he smiled slightly.

"But why did you come back here?" Slughorn asked.

Snape was quiet for a while. "Sluggy... I'm pregnent."

"You are not..."

"I'm afraid I am..."

"But who..."

"McGonagall," admitted Snape. Slughorn slapped him.

Ahh, Hogwarts. If only it were a soap opera. In fact, it should be. Or, maybe, I really crossed the line there. Just let me know people, and I will back off. But I thought it was pretty good.

Well, well, well. What have we here?

*sigh* I am so unbelivebly happy right now. I cannot possibly imagine anyone on Earth being happier than me at this moment. Oh God, that's depressing. Oops. Suddenly my spirit is crushed. But not really. Yeah. But kind of. Oh well. About the title of the post. I have no freakin' clue what it means. So don't stay up all night worrying about that. Now, on to actual writing and not mindless blabber. First off, once again, I must feed to you the endless chain of excueses for my resistence to updating this blog. Well, the reason is, I hate you all! Miserable little humans! Mwa-ha-ha! *skin rips off and insides mold into a giant sword wielding incect-like creature from Pluto* Sorry about that, that is happening more and more often nowadays. No really, I have not posted because of one word: Computer Trouble. Oh crap, that's two words. I AM MUD! Whoa. Sorry about that. If it seems like I have a very limited train of thought tonight, it's becase HEY!!! DID YOU REALIZE THAT MOOSES IS NOT A WORD? I MEAN, WHY ISN'T, WHAT WITH, oh right, train of thought. You know what, forget it, I won't be able to stay focused on it long enought to explain it. But yeah, computer busted. Bad. Busted Bad. Computer. Uh-huh. Yep. Tha's right! You know what? Forget the excuse also. It is taking to long. Now, going back to my un-snuffable feeling of joy and contentment. It is because: wait a minute. I can't post that online. On NATIONAL INTERNET! Well, technicly I could. It is a rather commen thing and it's nothing BAD or anything. Actually something very good, thus the act of defacating joy into the toilet that is my life. But if the wrong person found out about it, like my enemies, they could...wait, forget enemies, replace enemies with parents. Yeah. But no it's nothing BAD just...don't tell. Which you can't because I'm not telling you what to tell. Making me the all powerful holder of my own secrets. Wow, does that sound stupid. Oh no, here comes my Dad. Oh, wait,false alarm. You'll probably be able to guess it anyway, if you really think about it. Wait. What am I doing. I am wighting down every single thing that comes into my head. Hope I didn't bore you. Everything in my head. Everything. Monkey eating chicken. What the... okay, stop. Not you, me. Wait, I didn't have to write that. Okay that's it. No more posts until I get this under control! Dumbldore making out with a duck! oops, sorry.